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I am posting my experiences with TMS on this blog
I’ve become a moderator at Psych Central. Feel free to look me up on the message boards. I am TheWell.
I like being a moderator because I like helping people and I want to feel like I belong to something. Just posting didn’t make me feel like I belonged anywhere. Being a moderator helps me feel connected.
Naltrexone 50 mg
Klonopin 1 mg
Ambien 10 mg
I woke up at 6:00 this morning after actually sleeping last night. I ran a couple errands and was back and back in bed by 10 am. I slept until noon then got something to eat before going back to bed at 1:30 and slept until 4:30. I feel like I’m going crazy. How are these medications helping me? I feel horrible. All I’m doing is sleeping to avoid being alive; to avoid suffering.
I know that I feel as low right now as I have at my lowest point. So why the hell am I on the goddamn medications? Why am I putting up with all these awful side effects?
I’m so damn tired of all of this.
Someone asked me what Meds I’ve tried so I thought I would post the list…
Abilify, cymbalta, doxepin, Effexor, lamictal, Levora, lexapro, Latuda, lithium, neurontin, nortriptyline, Prozac, Remeron, Ritalin, seroquel, synthroid, topomax, trazodone, viibryd, Wellbutrin, Zoloft. Brintellix, fetzima.
I upped my dose of Brintellix to 20 mg yesterday. Today I had a panic attack and my anxiety is through the roof.
I called my doc and he had me come in. He told me to drop back to 10 mg for two weeks then stop completely.
He gave me Fetzima instead. We’ll see what happens.
In my previous post I talked about what a difficult time I had with group last night. I called my therapist and left him a voicemail asking for a call back. He called me back and talked it through with me. He is awesome. It’s snowing like crazy outside and he’s still in the office. He’s leaving soon but he made sure to call me back before he left. That means the world to me. I love this guy.
He talked to my group therapist. They think that I should try EMDR. Obviously I still have trauma that just smolders inside me waiting to rear it’s head like last night. I love that they talk about me. Having more than one set of eyes on me and more than one brain helping me means so much to me. He said that I should really like the guy who does EMDR. I’m glad it’s a guy. I connect better with men. I’m not sure why but it’s true. My therapist doesn’t know why either. He says that I have trauma with both men and women but I trust men more.
I told my therapist that I am glad I gave all my self harm tools to my group therapist. If I was going to use them any day today would have been the day.
I want to tell him how much he means to me.