New blog post #Brintellix #bipolar #bpd #depression

Brintellix 10 mg
Klonopin 1 mg
Naltrexone 50 mg

No side effects.

I’m not sure how I am doing today. I’m stuck at home because of a snow storm and I hate being so isolated. Sometimes it’s so hard to live alone. I ended up taking a two hour nap. Not because I was tired but because I just didn’t want to be awake and deal with how I was feeling. So I guess that means I’m not doing that great. Back to work tomorrow then 10 days off from work. I really hate school vacations. It’s just too much time for me to deal with.

While I was napping I had a dream about my son. He was hurt and I couldn’t help him. It was a horrible feeling and I woke up feeling so sad. I haven’t seen my kids much. My ex is so emotionally aggressive with me. I don’t understand why she thinks that my kids would be better off without seeing me but she knows how to make me feel like the worst parent in the world. It breaks my heart and I really miss my kids. I just don’t know what to do anymore.


My son’s diagnosis #FAS #ADHD #learning #RAD new blog post

We met with my son’s neuro doc today. She gave us the results of his testing. It feels so hopeless. He has so many problems. How does one little boy with two divorced parents and an autistic brother overcome all this?

It’s scary when the doc tells you that your son isn’t safe. That we shouldn’t ever leave him alone with his brother because he has no impulse controls and could really hurt him.

The doc told us that our son’s frontal love is so underdeveloped that he’s almost entirely living in his amygdala. That means that he’s almost primal in all his responses. She also said that his working memory is significantly lacking.

It is all so overwhelming.

Axis I:​ ​Reactive Attachment Disorder
​Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
​Mood Disorder-NOS
​Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – NOS
​Cognitive Disorder-NOS
​Learning Disability – Written Expression, Reading Comprehension, Basic
​Reading, Mathematics Computation

Axis III:​Frontal lobe weaknesses, neurological/developmental delays due to prenatal exposure to alcohol, processing speed inefficiency, weak working memory, slow graphomotor speed, weak sustained mental control

Axis IV:​Orphanage living, noise sensitivities, academic weaknesses, word retrieval difficulties, weak social skills, parent separation, school related anxiety

#HurricaneSandy staying home from work is not good for someone who struggles with #depression

I haven’t really left the house since Friday night. Normally I don’t have my kids full time but my ex is at the end of her rope so I’ve taken my oldest since Friday. Of course we’ve been stuck in the house for days and I feel like I’m going crazy. I am starting to lose my nut. My son is really driving me off the deep end. His behaviors are over the top.
I don’t tend to do well when I’m stuck in the house. I do much better when I can be with other people this doesn’t work well for me. I can feel my anxiety going up. My stress level is very high.
I don’t like when my anxiety is high like this. My poor coping mechanisms start knocking on the door. No I don’t want to self-harm. It’s been since April and I want to keep it that way. But it’s such an easy way to deal with these horrible feelings.

#Parenting – #FAS #autism #RAD new blog post. It’s hard not to give up

I am having a really hard time with my kids. My ex has always been very solid with the boys. Lately she’s falling apart and trying to lean on me for support. I don’t have the emotional stability to support myself. How am I supposed to support someone else? It has become so hopeless. It feels like it will never get better and our entire lives will be a war that we can’t win.
I’m tired of getting emails from my son’s teacher of his unacceptable behaviors. I’m tired of feeling the horrible churning in my stomach when I know it is my weekend with the kids because I know it will result it my kids emotionally and sometimes physically beating me up.
We are waiting on the results of my oldest’s testing. Hopefully that will be the ammunition we need to bring to the school to help get the proper placement for him. He doesn’t belong in public school and I feel so badly for his teacher who has to put up with him disrupting her class every day.
My youngest doesn’t want to come to my house at all. Whenever he’s here he starts screaming and crying that he wants to go home. How do you argue with that? He doesn’t want to be here and he’s starting to hate and resent me because he has to come here. I’ve tried to convince my ex that by forcing him to be here we are ruining any chance of a good relationship between the two of us.
The visits are so much easier when I have one at a time. They fight so much that they become escalated then the fireworks start all over again.
I’m so tired of the battle.

Special needs children – part two – new blog post #parenting #autism #BPD #depression #FAS

Arrrg I just had to bring my youngest to my ex’s house, it was either that or the emergency room. It was world war three in my house for the past two days. He was so escalated that he was holding a folding table over my other son’s head, he kept swinging and kicking at both my other son and the dog. He was smashing whatever electronics he could get his hands on… And this is the other son, not the one who stabbed his teacher. I really am at the end of whatever rope I have.

My own mental health problems are so hard as it is. Depression, self harm, BPD. I’m so damn tired.

Two behavioral #specialneeds children, one #BPD #depressed parent. #Autism, #FAS New Blog Post

I have two boys, 8 and 9. They were both adopted very young and now they both have really bad behavioral health problems. My youngest has autism and can be violent, he beat the shit out of me before, the oldest one has partial fetal alcohol syndrome, reactive attachment disorder, severe ADHD and a mood disorder, and we are in the process of getting neuropsych testing done. My youngest is in a special school, it took two years to fight the public schools to pay for that and now we are in the same process with my older son. Yesterday he stabbed his teacher with a pencil, on purpose, because he was angry. It’s so overwhelming. Have I mentioned that I’m single and although my ex has primary custody it is still amazingly difficult to be a single parent of two severly special needs children.

I feel like I’m just whining but the stress gives me chest pains on some days. It’s so hard.

#FAS #Autism New blog post

My kids are both adopted, my younger son has autism. My older son recently went through some testing. We don’t have all the results back yet but we now know that he has fetal alcohol syndrome. My poor kids, I can’t imagine that life will ever be easy for either of them. The prognosis for kids with FAS is so poor. My heart is broken. The weights on my shoulders just keep getting heavier. I’m having such a hard time dealing with my own mental health issues, it’s such a struggle that both my kids have such severe health issues too.
We will know more when we get the rest of the test results. My stomach is in knots. I’m so overwhelmed by life in general. Some days it seems like all I can do is get up in the morning.