I had a really bad morning. I ended up self harming today. I’m not proud of it. Some days it’s all I can do. I wanted to scream “I AM NOT OKAY!” But who would I scream it to and what good would it do.
There are times I really hate how dependent I feel on therapy. I don’t have group or individual this week. I couldn’t fit my individual in because of the TMS and group is cancelled because Monday is a holiday. I feel an amazing amount of stress about not having anything at all. I hate that I am so stressed about it.
I didn’t do anything productive today or yesterday. I slept almost the entire day yesterday. At least I managed to stay awake today. I am doing a little better now than I was doing this morning. I distracted myself for a while by chatting with a friend on the internet and it brought my mood up a little bit.
I’m frustrated because I was really hoping that the TMS would be showing some results at this point and I’m actually feeling lower now than I was when I started. It’s not good.