Brintellix – 10 mg
Klonopin – 1 mg
Remeron – 22.5 mg stopping in 5 days
Naltrexone – 50 mg
Really low today. There are days when I think I’m feeling about as bad as I can then I fall lower. I just feel so damn sad and tired. I feel like I’m faking it as much as I can so that people around me at work don’t notice. Then there is that moment when someone looks at you with that look and says, “Are you okay?” The answer is “No, I’m not okay” but I can’t say that. I usually say that I’m just tired.
I saw my therapist today. I talked about how I feel like I’ve given up on the idea of ever finding someone. He asked me how I found the relationships I was in before. I fell into those relationships. Your world gets smaller as you get older. Your chances of finding someone get slimmer and slimmer. I can’t do online dating. It was a disaster for me. I don’t have “curb appeal”. I’m not attractive. I know it but it really sucked when people would message me just to tell me how unattractive I am. I can’t do that again.
I’m so fucking tired.