22.5 mg of Remeron – 1 more week then stopping
50 mg Naltrexone – for self harm
1 mg Klonopin at night to help me fall asleep
I’m doing better today. My mood seems a little bit up from where I have been. I was really struggling with feeling overwhelmingly sad. I’m still not great but the overwhelming sadness seems to be gone.
I’m not sure about feeling foggy. I haven’t really done anything today except sit in front of the T.V. That makes me feel foggy in itself.
Still low on motivation. Today is a snow day so I’m home all day. I need to do some cleaning but I just don’t have the energy. That’s usually a representation of low motivation for me.
I may have spoken too soon about the sadness. It just came back over me like a wave crashing on the beach.
Update 5:47 p.m.
I’m extremely low now. No work today because of a storm and I don’t do well when I spend time alone. I’m really struggling right now. This is when I used to self harm but I’m really trying to stop doing that. I’m too old and I have too many scars. That and it doesn’t really solve anything. I just wish it didn’t help in the short term. I gave all my knives to my therapist. Today is a day where if I had a knife here I would probably cut. I guess I’m glad I don’t have one but at the same time I wish I did.
I’m so tired of feeling low and helpless. I never thought this is how I would end up. Struggling against depression constantly.