#selfharm fell off the wagon – new blog post

My head hurts. I don’t get headaches very often. I would actually call them a rare event for me. Tonight I have a headache. I hadn’t self harmed since April, Easter actually. That was when I cut myself and needed stitches. I had never hurt myself that badly before. I had also recently started burning myself. It was really bad and my mental health team ended up deciding that I should start Naltrexone. It takes away the endorphin high from pain.

One of the main reasons I haven’t cut in so long is that I didn’t want to let down my therapist, my group therapist and my psychiatrist (my team). I’ve been fighting the urges pretty badly lately. I call it white knuckling.

Tonight it was all just too much. Luckily I wasn’t able to find my sharp knife. I guess I hid it really well. The cuts aren’t deep but they are there and I made them. quite a few of them. I feel ashamed that I wasn’t able to keep myself from cutting. Even with the shame, it felt good. I hate that it feels good. I hate that I am starting over again. I feel like I’m too old to be this stupid.

Advertisements

One thought on “#selfharm fell off the wagon – new blog post

  1. cherylz1961 says:

    Oh dear one,
    I am so sorry you are in such pain and want to hurt yourself. It might not mean much to you but I will be praying for you as I drift off to sleep. I care, I really do…. and so does God.

    This is a great song and I hope it comforts you.

    I have an encouragement blog you might want to visit. You can read my personal story by going to CATEGORY and scrolling down to MY BRAIN TUMOR STORY
    http://weepingintodancing.wordpress.com/

Feedback is appreciated

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s