#Holidays suck for singles with no family

I hate holidays. I really hate holidays. I have two kids but they spend most holidays with my ex because I always fall apart at the holidays.

It starts with Thanksgiving and goes all the way until New Years. Months of feeling so sad and depressed. I never had a solid family when I was growing up. Both my parents were alcoholics. Between alcohol, the divorce, and the constant fighting everything just became a bad memory. Holidays don’t instill in me any warm and cozy feelings. They just make me feel sad and hollow.

I’ve tried to create new memories with my own kids but nothing seems to work to make holidays a positive event. I realized that it was kinder to let the kids stay with my ex.

I try to spend holidays at friends’ houses but I just end up feeling awkward with the whole family vibe that I don’t understand.

I went to bed last night at 6:30 and slept until 6:30 this morning. I can tell when my depression is revving up because I just want to sleep all the time. The days feel too long. It makes it hard not to self-harm. I haven’t in a really long time but I really really want to. I want to hurt outside like I hurt inside. Then maybe the pain inside won’t hurt so much.


5 thoughts on “#Holidays suck for singles with no family

  1. janedoe says:

    I just wanted to say thank you for this blog and this post. I am single, without any family, and the holidays are very painful… and reading this helped me feel less alone in what I am feeling.

  2. Miss M. I would never take my own life because I wouldn’t do that to my kids. In the past when I’ve self-harmed it’s just involved cutting. I haven’t in a long time and I am still keeping myself from doing it. Thank you for your comment and concern.

  3. Hi Jennie, both my parents have passed away. It’s a big part of feeling so alone all the time. I appreciate your comment and your concern. Thank you.

  4. Like Miss M says, look at what you DO have that’s good. Focus on the blessings. Winter and Holidays are hard, I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Depression/Dissorder) and when the days are long some of the best things you can do are to:
    Get outside in the sunshine (even if it means bundeling up),
    Move your body, exercise released endorphins that make you feel better, and make a list of all the good things in your life.
    Last and probably most important is, do something for yourself that makes you feel happy. Play with your kids, call you parents, do some service, write or read a good book, doodle, crank up the tunes and bust a move.
    You’re too amazing to harm yourself. Tap into that knowing and you’ll be ok. For more info on how to be happier, I write meditations (things to think on) on my blog. http://www.JennieCarlson.com
    Light and Love,
    Jennie Carlson

  5. No…Don’t harm yourself…It won’t resolve anything!
    Just know that you’re not alone in this world…There are many lonely souls out there…You still have your kids. That’s a blessing. Don’t let them lose you, something that they’ll never recover from…
    I hope you’ll find your path to happiness soon. Have faith…
    With love and blessings from a passerby….:)
    Miss M

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