New blog post #RAD #FAS #Autism

My oldest son was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. He also has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and severe ADHD. My youngest son has Autism, severe ADHD and severe anxiety. How am I supposed to be a parent to all this? How am I supposed to survive thus journey?

I remember adopting my boys. All I could see were the possibilities. I thought about them going to college, about them getting married some day. I saw a future. Now I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of how difficult their lives will always be. I’m afraid that they will end up on drugs, in jail or dead. I want good things for them but I can no longer see those things in their future. I’m so afraid that I’m not up to the task of being their parent.

How do I deal with all this? I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything is so hard. I wish I could curl up in a ball in the corner with my arms over my head and just give up.

Everyone asks how my kids are doing. What do I tell them? That my youngest son told me to fuck off? I thought that wouldn’t happen until high school…he’s only eight. He tells me he hates me. I know other kids tell their parents that but I believe him. I believe that he hates me. He throws things at me and hits me. It’s so hard.

My other son steals, lies, hurts other people…he stabbed his teacher with a pencil. What do I do with that?

I wish I knew what to do. How will I survive this? How will they?


2 thoughts on “New blog post #RAD #FAS #Autism

  1. Hello! I’ve got three boys. The oldest is 5 & has autism. Just starting to use language a bit more now but still a lot of screaming/noise making etc. number 2 is 2 and just waiting on a FAS diagnosis. Big issues around attachment, impulse control and anger. I know he’s only 2 but boy oh boy do I worry about whats in store for him! Number 3 is only 16m old and very cruisy but BIG and STRONG. He can push a 25kilo ride on bike with my 5 yo sitting on it. Hoping he will be a gentle giant! So I feel for you – big time. Hard to know what the future holds but I try to keep a positive outlook. Get as much support as you can from where ever you can get it! Your kids are relying on you even when they are wildly out of control. Hang in there!

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