My oldest son was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. He also has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and severe ADHD. My youngest son has Autism, severe ADHD and severe anxiety. How am I supposed to be a parent to all this? How am I supposed to survive thus journey?
I remember adopting my boys. All I could see were the possibilities. I thought about them going to college, about them getting married some day. I saw a future. Now I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of how difficult their lives will always be. I’m afraid that they will end up on drugs, in jail or dead. I want good things for them but I can no longer see those things in their future. I’m so afraid that I’m not up to the task of being their parent.
How do I deal with all this? I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything is so hard. I wish I could curl up in a ball in the corner with my arms over my head and just give up.
Everyone asks how my kids are doing. What do I tell them? That my youngest son told me to fuck off? I thought that wouldn’t happen until high school…he’s only eight. He tells me he hates me. I know other kids tell their parents that but I believe him. I believe that he hates me. He throws things at me and hits me. It’s so hard.
My other son steals, lies, hurts other people…he stabbed his teacher with a pencil. What do I do with that?
I wish I knew what to do. How will I survive this? How will they?