So many things to talk about I’m not sure where to start. In my support group Dr. G has been talking about how important it is to be honest with the people we care about. I haven’t shared my self harm with anyone. It is my biggest shame. My biggest skeleton in my closet. What 40 year old uses self harm as a coping mechanism? It’s so embarassing. I feel so immature,so embarrassed by it. It took me a long time to share it with my therapist. Then it took me even longer to share it in group. Dr. G is the psychologist who leads the group when I said that know one in my life knew about my self harm he told me that I should reconsider that. He told me that there are people in my life for a reason and that I need to let them in. That by holding parts of me back I can never be truly close with anyone.
I don’t have any family besides my children so my close friends are the only family I have. I decided to talk to my closest friends. It was so scary. I was afraid that I would scare them away. Who wants to be friends with a freak? And I do feal like a freak. So I told my friends. It wasn’t easy but they are my friends for a reason. It took them a bit to understand. There was some misunderstandings. I had to continue the conversation the next day after talking to Dr. G because I was unsure about some things that came up that I ddin’t know how to deal with, but everything is cleared up now and I’m glad I talked to them.
The end result is that I feel closer to my friends and I don’t have any secrets from them. It’s important to have people that you can lean on about the scary parts of yourself.
The second part of my post today is about Anderson Cooper. I’m glad he came out. There are so many young people who need to know that it is okay to be gay and for every adult that hides their sexuality there is another teen that thinks there is something wrong with them. I’m glad he came out. Hopefully there will come a day when the term “coming out” will be an old term that won’t be needed anymore.