Really stupid + #selfharm = E.R. and #stitches

I hate that I self harm, I hate even more that I struggled for three days to not harm and made it until 4:30 on Sunday afternoon. A three day weekend is torture for me, include a holiday and it’s worse.

I got a new pocket knife the other day…stupid.
I didn’t think that maybe a new pocket knife might be sharper than the knife I’ve had for the past 5 years…stupid
I cut too deep and had to go to the E.R. …really fucking stupid.

I’ve never had stitches from self harm. I’ve had to superglue a few cuts but nothing that worried me enough that I went to the E.R…Until today.

They actually brought me back into the mental health area of the emergency room. As soon as I realized where I was headed I got nervous. They had emergency health services ask me questions. The H.E.S. guy triaged me out, he said that I didn’t need a full mental health work up.

So I have one long stitch, that looks like it would be 8 single stitches except since the cut was very clean and straight he just kept going back and forth without cutting the thread. Odd, I didn’t know something could be stitched that way. I shouldn’t have watched him do the stitches though, I liked how it looked while he was doing it. Not good.

Home, tired, and feeling really stupid and embarrassed.

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