I’ve been having an extremely hard time with my autistic son. He lives with his other mom and just visits me. Lately he’s been having a harder and harder time controling himself. He’s been getting too hard for me to handle alone. He behaves differently with his other mom, she’s better with him than I am. He flipped out at me again the other day. These days every visit is a flip out.
The last visit He was throwing things at my head, swinging at me, telling me that he wanted to stab me with a knife, and saying that I belonged in jail.
I wish I knew what to do, between my own mental health issues and his I am completely overwhelmed. We cut the visits down and actually stopped them last week. We’ve stopped them occasionally to give us both a break but we’ve always started them back up.
Today my ex told me that my son told her he wants a dad. A child of two moms occasionally asks that but she asked him why. He said because he only has one parent. She asked him what he meant that he has two moms. He said that she was his only parent that he wouldn’t be seeing me anymore.
… That sound you just heard was my heart breaking into little pieces.
Right now I’m completely shut down. I’m not emotionally feeling anything. I’m numb. It’s not good for me to stay in this place for too long. Self harming has been the way I come back from this, but I’m not going to do that. At least I’m going to try to not do that. My therapist has said that when the emotion is too much to bare that you need to stay in the moment. Feel the emotions that they can’t stay that horrible forever. But what do you do when you’ve shut down. Sitting with my emotions now is meaningless because I’m so overwhelmed that I’m not feeling anything. How does that get better?