Hate feeling so overwhelmed

I’ve gotten comments on twitter that my blog is very negative. I have no idea how I make my pain positive. I am trying to better myself, I have a therapist, go to group therapy, and have a psychiatrist. This is my place to vent. I don’t tell my friends how low I really am. Not one of my friends knows about the self harm, which has escalated lately. My response to those who think I’m being overly negative…maybe you need to find the puppies and rainbows blog because it’s definately not here.

I’ve felt so low for so many weeks. I’m going to tell my psychiatrist that I will accept the referral he’s offered me. I guess he’s giving up on me, but I need help. I can’t live like this.

I know the urge to tell someone to stop fucking whining, stop with the pity party and pick yourself up. I’ve tried so hard. I know that I am powerless over my depression and I am powerless over my self harm. I wish there were support groups for self harm. I know the best thing that I could have is a sponsor who is in recovery from self harm. A person who is an older woman (like myself). Someone to call and tell when I feel like I am going to hurt myself because I don’t want to, I’m just powerless.

There are 12 step meetings for everything except self harm. The online groups don’t work for me I’ve tried.


2 thoughts on “Hate feeling so overwhelmed

  1. Paul, thank you for your post.

  2. Paul Winkler says:

    If your psychiatrist is giving up on you, he should tell you so if you ask – and you should ask. It is important for you to know where you stand with your support team members.

    For people with whom your blog does not resonate, they may choose not to read it. If they tell you to pick yourself up and stop whining, try to ignore them. You *can* have an effect on your own mood through special therapy such as CBT, but that takes training and practice. For me it took years. Generally, depression and cutting are involuntary behaviours and need careful treatment from *outside* help.

    For peer help with cutting isseues, I’d suggest you try online (or real life) support groups for mood disorders and personality disorders to seek out fellow sufferers. I have found cutters on my groups for my bipolar and for borderline personality disorder.

    Please keep writing! Dumping out your negative issues on the internet has to be a wonderful form of therapy in itself! I salute you for your honesty and your bravery too! Good luck in your treatment, whatever it might be (hint – others may benefit from your description of your experiences here on the blog)

    Cheers for this!

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