Christmas day – I’ll be alone for most of the day. Late in the day I’ll pick up my kids for a couple hours so I can feel inferior to my ex who, I’m sure, spent a ton of money on presents. I actually woke up in tears. I can’t stand how this time of year makes me feel.
When I was younger and lived in my own broken family I wanted nothing more than to create a big family so I never had to feel like this. I failed at that too. I don’t know how to connect with people anymore.
I haven’t had a date since my divorce 6 years ago. I tried online dating and that was a disaster.
It all makes you want to totally give up even though you know that because you have kids now that is no longer an option. Fighting the urge to self-harm today (the gift you give yourself).